Special Guest Expert - Rosie Aiello

Special Guest Expert - Rosie Aiello.mp4: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

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Speaker1:
Here's the big question how is it that most entrepreneurs hustle and are always busy and struggle to take just one step forward, only to fall two steps back? Their dedicated, determined and driven, but only a few finally break through and win. This show uncovers those quantum leap patterns of highly successful people, so you can simply model what they do and apply to your future success. That's the question, and the answers are right here. My name is Brigitta Fillette, and this is the success patterns show. All right, all right, all right, welcome everyone to the success pattern show, are you in for a treat today? Today we have a productive, kind and joyous woman here with us at the Success Pattern Show. My name is Brigitta. Hopefully I am the CEO of the center of NLP and I am all about love is kind today. With me here today is the beautiful Rosie Aiello. I love saying her last name. Love it. Love it. Love it, Rosie. Welcome to the show. Thank you for being here.

Speaker2:
Oh, thank you so much, Bridget. We're learning how to pronounce each other's last names, right? I'm American of Italian descent, and you're the real thing.

Speaker1:
And I and I'm just German, and we drove three hours south and I was in Italy. But let me tell you guys so you know who this wonderful woman is that is on the success pattern show today as we're really shining light on lovely people, but really people that have success in their life. However, they are defining success because I think if we really would interview everyone, people have a different each person has a different definition of success. And I want to talk about Rosie here for a little bit. After twenty five years in a relationship, Rosie engineered an international escape from the Middle East to save her young adult daughter and herself from domestic violence. Boy, oh, boy, that all in itself is a story, and I could stop right there and it's but it's got to it's got a happy end. Ok, so it's done by PTSD and nearly mentally destroyed her and her daughter. She reinvented herself since arriving back in the U.S. and became a speaker, a best selling author, a host of the Vulnerable to Valuable podcast and an international, multi-award winning entrepreneur. She runs her own summits. She's an incredible speaker. I've gotten to know her through some speaking engagements, and she's just absolutely wonderful. And now she is with the kind love of her life, not just any love of her life, but the kind love of her life. And if you're making notes, know, make sure you guys that you have something to write with and write on because you want to take notes. So write down kind love not just any love. As a woman's life and transformational coach, Rosie helps women who have emerged from narcissistic, controlling and abusive or toxic relationships to reclaim their voice, their value, their confidence and their courage so they can create a joyful, productive and prosperous life that they desire. Women also hire Rosie so that they can find a safe, healthy and kind relationship again. Rosie, thank you for being here and bringing your kind love to us.

Speaker2:
Oh, thank you. I'm excited. I get excited. Just it's always interesting when you hear your own Bio-Rad, it just it brings you back, you know, to where I started and when I hear those things, it's kind of remarkable.

Speaker1:
Yeah, I mean, I can't imagine going through what you have gone through and you know, a lot of people get stuck in their pain. And before we started the recording today or started the show, we talked about what people don't want right before they know what they do want and NLP that's called the moving away from moving towards to loss of success. And by the way, I'm just going to put a little mental note here and a seat for everyone. Rosie brought a great gift and you want to stick around because we're going to share that gift, how you can download that in in a little bit. But how do you move away from such a. Not just toxic relationship, but from such a traumatic experience, Rosie.

Speaker2:
It's it's a good question, and it's it's multilayered. And part of it really is really just now getting this first thing, it's getting the support. And I think I read enough books and did enough study, and I probably could have come a therapist myself, but I didn't. But that's how much it was. I didn't. This is this is really a a team effort. You know, I collect entertainment for me. I was like, I was willing to try anything to heal and figure out who who I was. What happened? How did how did how did it happen? Because there's so much shame around these relationships the women are holding so, so much shame. And then too, when they're in them. So I just I within a couple of weeks of landing back United States, I found a therapist for my daughter and myself and then read this book and that book and just read and read and read. I had different modalities. I try reiki. I tried past life regression. I tried hypnotherapy, I didn't NLP, you know? In fact, it became an NLP practitioner, too. So I mean, I just I'm just constantly learning and I'm just it's just a nonstop way. And then just learning about the brain. I love psychology and love the brain. I'm just like, I'm just totally fascinated by it. And it was that journey of really looking inward for the first time, really. It's like, I really didn't know who I was. I thought I did, but I really didn't. And that's where the work begins.

Speaker1:
Do you do? And I know that you work with a lot of women. Do you see women coming? Not necessarily even out of a traumatic relationship like you did, and there are many women out there and we know that. But even just women, you know, coming out of a corporate job relationship and suddenly finding themselves. Who am I? What is my identity? What do I stand for? Because suddenly their whole identity of being a corporate leader is taken from them? Or maybe they decided to not want that anymore. Right. And that is that that that pattern all in itself. I would assume is very similar.

Speaker2:
Yeah, it is, because the whole thing is that you don't know who you are. You don't know what you stand for. You don't know what's important to you. And I think that's that's one of the first things I do besides when I work with my clients of getting, you know, what's the vision you want and really digging down deep? And then just just like, well, what's important to you? What do you want? Because I feel like we all pick up our values. I call it like, I pick up my values, like I pick up seashells from the seashore. I am just. Not even thinking about it. It comes through family and religion in schools and and colleagues and friends and work and everything else, and we just kind of pick them up and just and we accept them without questioning them until we get to a point where. Well, that doesn't work for me anymore. I didn't know that. I mean, even something as simple as when your children are little, your value is really focused on taking care of them. But when they get older, you still love your child, but it's still not. It's not when they become adults, you're not feeding them anymore. Right? So it's not right, but it's creating. It's like really looking at what's important to you. And very few people, I think, really do that. They don't ask what's important. They've all been giving, especially women. I think we give a corporate, you know, some corporate before many moons ago. So we give in corporate, we trying to prove ourselves. And let me tell you the other thing, I think that makes it even more complicated for professional women, really successful women is because they have been so successful in business.

Speaker2:
When they're in, they may go home and they're in this toxic relationship and they're working on it and they're working on. It's like, that's how I was like, I was so successful at work. Why can't I get this marriage to work? What's wrong with me? We end up what's wrong with me. Something must be wrong with me. I'm successful here. And so then you keep trying and keep trying, and nothing works and nothing works. I mean, he would like make a goal. I mean, it's crazy. Well, fold my shirts this way. I got such a great story on that. You know, fold my shirts this way and I told them that way. And then another. Then, you know, a few months later, he throws them all out of the cupboard and says, These are all wrong. And it's like. What, why, what, what they're not wrong, and so it just makes your mind go crazy, right? Yeah. And that's the kind of relationship so you've got this with. I tell my women, you know, all the women are really smart women, but they kind of been reduced from the from the relationship shy as if they're nothing. And so they don't feel like they're enough. And you know, when you're working with your clients, is that how you are in one place is how you are in another place. So even though they're successful in business, they're still that part that's eating them down there. Maybe they won't ask for that race. Maybe they won't speak up. They're probably successful enough. But that part is challenging them, well, you really aren't good enough, you know, you can't get your marriage to work if that relationship to work.

Speaker1:
And it's fascinating, for what reason do a lot of women buy into that, that that that outside acknowledgment or that that being in a situation where, yes, shame and guilt is the only thing that they're holding on to? And if we know anything, you know, if you've ever read the book by Dr. Hopkins Power versus force, you know, we know energetically shame and guilt are the are the bottom, they're the lowest,

Speaker2:
They're low, right? And that's why a lot of women come become suicidal. Right. I was suicidal. It was just crazy. My daughter was two, and I didn't know that until much later. But yeah, I mean, talk about shame. I was in this marriage for twenty five years. It's really for twenty five years and nobody knew. Nobody knew I was living overseas. But it wasn't until eighteen years later, eight years into the marriage, I read a book and realized, Oh, that sound looks like my relationship. And then I told my brother and my two best friends in the United States. So in twenty five years, three people knew it still would take another while before I could get out. Well before I chose to get out. But that's the power of shame. And that's how it destroys. That's how it can destroy a human being.

Speaker1:
And would you say you've eaten all of the stuff just kind of up, so it doesn't show on the outside? It was just all, you know, it's it's it's all inside of Rosie.

Speaker2:
Yeah. You mean when I was there? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You know, I say we should get women who have been in that. We should get the Academy Award for the best actress. Yeah, you're probably right. No joke because we would smile. We would end, you know, on the outside, he was great. Right? It was only, you know, behind those foreclosed walls where then he would just turn into a different person. It's that Jekyll and Hyde mentality. But as a normal, you know, for a marriage or a relationship, he's like, You're not expecting that person. There's no you don't not expecting that person to treat you that way. So it's very confusing. Plus, when they're really nice, sometimes you, you latch onto that hope. Oh, well, there he is. That's the part that I love. That's the part that's great. But then you have the other part where he's not, and then that's what really confuses you. And that's what that's the basis of gaslighting. Yes. When they say, you know, they'll they'll say something really nice and then they'll start to twist it. Like, I didn't say that, like, I didn't tell you to fold the shirts that way.

Speaker1:
Mm hmm. Yeah. And do you do you then also find yourself or have you worked with women that find themselves gaslighting themselves? And now you don't even know what is true? Right? It confuses you on such a deep level.

Speaker2:
Well, on multi levels, because one is that you start to, you start to put yourself down right where you're already saying, like, what's wrong with me? Something must be wrong with me. Why can't I do this right? So you have a hole, you have a whole scenario of negative thoughts that are constantly circling in your in your mind. And then you are separated from reality. They're very good at keeping you from reality. And like, I was literally thousands of miles from my, my family and my core friends, and he made it very difficult for me to go out of the house for me to talk and be with other people. It was very, very challenging and I was in the part of the world where it was always also very hard to have a freedom. Right?

Speaker1:
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, there was levels and levels of that. You now have a movement. The love is kind network and out of that, out of your PTSD, out of your traumatic experiences, out of everything that you have lived through and gone through. The love is kind network was born. Yeah.

Speaker2:
Yes. Oh, I lost your voice.

Speaker1:
Oh, the love of the love is kind network was born. Mm hmm. What is the love is kind network do?

Speaker2:
Know, first and foremost, we are here to support women who have been who have experienced narcissistic relationships doesn't mean they were married. It can be it can really be. Anything we already talked about could even be in the workplace, but most of them are some form of intimate relationship, and it could happen within a few months. It could be like in mind, twenty five years or thirty years, it just it just depends. But we're there to create a new foundation so you can reclaim your voice, your value, your confidence and courage. And really, what I call is you get on your journey, path, your own freedom, journey, path to become one hundred percent you. And when you become one hundred percent, you know who you are and what you stand for and what you want, what you don't want, what you deserve, then you can decide whether to be in a relationship or not. And if you're going to be in a relationship, you're going to know exactly what kind of relationship you're going to have and you're not going to get into it. It's like, you know, if I can use this analogy, we were talking about a building being built next door, right? You create that foundation, right? We create that foundation. This foundation is weak, and even if the walls are weak, the building is going to crumble. And the same thing, you know, when these women, everything has been shattered inside and they don't they don't know what's up, what's down, what's true, it's not. So it's really getting really clear on that. What do they stand for and how, and so for me, it's like I'm creating helping them create the new empowered person, the new empowered woman who can choose to find kind Leff, who can choose to say what she wants, who can speak up her mind. They they still feel like I have to settle. I can't do this and I go, No, you don't. You know, and I show them, but they have that thinking that holds them back.

Speaker1:
You just said a word, you use the word, and that's the word choice because we have a choice. I wonder how many people really how many women really see that when they're so stuck in in a toxic relationship that they actually do have a choice?

Speaker2:
It's very difficult. You know, I didn't. Very, very few women do it. I mean, even now, even when they're out, they feel like they don't even have a choice. They don't have that capacity to understand. I mean, part of what I share with them is like, you know, I'm an example of what's possible for you. You know, I found the love of my life and I have the background. So now I can show you those steps to make it easier and faster for you. And just that, just the thought it's possible for them is a leap that it's a big it's a choice that they have. But when you're in the relationship, you don't you think you're alone, so you don't share it with anybody. That's the shame that keeps you close down. And when you're in it, you're you're there are there are functions in your brain that start to just splinter, really? So you don't you lose. You're in so much fight flight and fear here using the amygdala, not getting too much into details here that your prefrontal cortex, where you do your thinking, do your planning, do your executive thinking. If I can even say that is just nonfunctioning. And that's why it also makes it hard for women to get out. And that's why they usually need somebody to help them because they just can't think through it at that level.

Speaker1:
It's very challenging. Very, very challenging. They can't think through that level that

Speaker2:
That that's pretty common.

Speaker1:
Right, right. So they don't see the forest for the trees. So, you know, one question that I have for you is what kind of rituals have you created for yourself and what kind of rituals have you seen other women create for themselves to, first of all, to move away from the pain to then move towards that kind love?

Speaker2:
Well, this is I mean, I have I have a lot of rituals that I do, but I think one thing that has served me well and I'll go into my other ones too is being forward focused. Even when I was in that relationship when my daughter was young, I said, I can't stay in this relationship forever. I didn't know how, even when I was planning the escape, which I didn't within four months, there was no Plan B. There was only Plan A. And I just knew it was going to work. I had no clue how it was going to work, but I knew it was going to work. So it was one having the Ford Focus to creating the plan, not doing, you know, not just doing things mindlessly and then just figuring it out along the way. And those are really powerful because a lot of women will just stay stuck in victimhood and they wonder why they keep having the same relationships and why things keep repeating and why they don't have the success and why a whole bunch of other things. And it's because they're just they're just stuck like that. But that's one of the keys that I do. But a lot of women, you know, journaling, doing mind work. You know, I talked a little bit about that earlier. I do a lot of my own. I tame my mind. You know, the untamed brain is a as a scary thing, let me tell you. But I mean, when you when you've been in these relationships, I would say your your limiting beliefs are like on steroids. You've got you take the average person who's got limiting beliefs. But when you're when you have been in these relationships, it's like it's on steroids. You're not you don't feel like you're just not enough. You're not enough because you were told that 20 million times.

Speaker1:
So you have you now have evidence because you heard it so many times that you're not enough. And what's wrong with you?

Speaker2:
And you can't do anything right and you're stupid and all these things? So it just gets amplified. So that's why I feel like I can. I know where these women have come from. I know what they went through to, you know, to some degree and can give them those steps to move forward so they could really take their own power back. And when I. A power it doesn't mean power over in any shape or form, it's just like knowing who you are, really knowing who you are and you don't have to pretend to be somebody else. Forget about people pleasing. I mean, we're all people pleasers, right? We're any woman who's been in these relationships and women in general culture has has moved us towards that. Everyone, I talk to women all over the world, you know, and they give me these examples. And they're just, yeah, I just said, yes, I just wanted peace. I just didn't want to make. I didn't want to make things a problem. And you can't do that in a new relationship. You can't. If you have those beliefs, you cannot get into a kind, healthy relationship. You're going to create an unhealthy, you're going to look for an unhealthy you won't be able to even find a healthy kind of relationship.

Speaker1:
What would you say have these women as a value in common that they that that value might have wilted or crumbled or almost died on the inside? But there's always that little seed that's just waiting for that one drop of kindness or that one drop of love that it will allow it to blossom again. What would be that value? I don't know which one.

Speaker2:
When I knew nothing about personal development, about mantras, nothing zero before I came to the United States and started studying. And during the four months that I was playing these games, I was riddled with so much guilt, which is kind of crazy. But I was. I created what I now realize were matches, and I said, my daughter and I deserve a happy and joyful life. I have. I don't have to be a martyr and I'm going to live my life like capital L Capital, I Capital V happily, I am going to live my life. I want to live my life. And those were the for me was the that gave me the momentum to keep going and that I deserve to live this life. I have one precious life. You have one precious life. And so they it gets to the point where they just can't take it anymore. They just know they're not going to survive and it's either suicide or live. It's pretty much it.

Speaker1:
Wow. I cannot imagine you going through what you have gone through and at the core. Who is Rosie?

Speaker2:
And before you know it, just. Yeah, I I get to be me. Rosie is is is all of her, you know, she's I am kind to the core and I want to explain what kindness means. But just like, who is Rosie? I mean, she is a woman who's on a mission and, you know, just like I was on a mission to get out when the time was right. I'm on a mission to impact one hundred million women worldwide. Don't ask me how. Don't ask me if I'm going to do the stats. Just, you know, forget that I'm just, you know, but that's what drives me because I believe in my core that women to help women release the shackles of abuse. And when I say the shackles, it's really the mental shackles. It's the things that are keeping them locked in and they have that power within themselves and that they can create a joyful life. Because you know what? And you know, this is that this impacts our children. Yes. You know, I am a disrupter. I'm a proud to be. I am proud to be a disruptor of this toxic relationship. And I want more women to be disruptors. If the relationship is bad, you're not breaking up a relationship. You're able you're giving people the chance to live their full life, to have to see the children get to see, you know, their mother not being abused because children who see it will be either become abusers or abused, most likely unless they get help. So that's how we continue this generation through generation and generation. We've got to give. We've got to give the population this chance. And for me, I find that kindness. When you lead from kindness, when I doing this is like my goal is to create kinder, intimate relationships, which will create kind of families, which will create kind of communities and a kind of world. It's a win win. It's not Pollyanna stuff here. Being kind takes guts and courage.

Speaker1:
Oh, I need you to say that again.

Speaker2:
Being kind takes guts and courage because being kind means standing up for your values. Saying yes to yourself. Being kind does not mean being a doormat and saying yes. When you want to say no, that's not being kind because you're lying to yourself and you're lying to the other person who you are, you're dumbing yourself down and you're giving in. And every time you give in, you give up yourself. That means you just put another layer of you're over. You add another layer every time, every time you people please and you just say, OK, you know, well, I like to be a nice person. Yes, but at what cost? At what cost are you just willing to give up who you are? You know, my goal is so you can be one hundred percent you. You don't have to make any excuses. The guy I am with now, the love of my life, he likes all of me and he'll say, Oh, I love, you know that you're so sensitive, but he doesn't say it in any negative way at all. It's like he likes my sensitivity. He likes, you know that I'm doing this work. He likes when I'm, you know, in my nightgown and knee socks,

Speaker1:
You know, it doesn't. Well, that's a visual guide.

Speaker2:
I'll give you the color. But that's the whole point. You know, to be kind is to stand up, have healthy boundaries, know where you want to go, not being able to say, I can't speak my mind. That's being kind. People get a distortion of what kind means is, you know, being kind and a and a pushover is not being kind at all. You have to stand up for who you really are. And if you if the person like, let's say you might be dating, for example, doesn't like that person, he's not right for you. And don't try to twist yourself into a pretzel, which is people pleasing. So he gets to like you because he's going to like the person who's not really that person, right? You're trying to be somebody else. You're not, and the real person always wants to come out, right? That's why it's like, we can't take. It's like something inside saying, it's not right. It's not right. We got to get out of here. Yeah.

Speaker1:
Oh, in so many ways, I love the layers of getting out of here, right? Getting out of, in your case, the country and the culture and the and the shackles of the toxic relationship, but also being going into stepping into who you truly are, right? Like you said, that takes courage and guts. Yeah, yeah. And I love that and I love that. I want to lock arms and go, Let's let's go wake everyone up and let's go do it. So there's there's a pattern there, there's pattern in all of the things and you describe some of them. But there's a success pattern and success is not necessarily the money that you make or the deals that you close. For some people, that might be it. But what is success for you and what kind of recurring pattern does Rosie have when it comes to success?

Speaker2:
You know, when you read my bio and I think, God, I really did, I've really done a lot of things and I'm I'm proud of that. And I. And again, and I'm with the kind love of my life, so that that's a major success given where I've come from, what I see as being, you know, so I could be an example for other women, and that's where my goal is, is why I'm out there. But I think really a success pattern for me is I love people I love to connect. I love to. If I see what the core is, it's like it's really connection and showing up and helping others and any way that I that I can. That's that's what I if I were going to die and that's the legacy is like she tried to help all these people, you know, and that would be that would make mean a lot to me. That's what that's what it is. It's just looking outside yourself when it comes to that first look inward to build yourself up. And then then you can actually give and you can. But I've always been that way. I've always been some kind of a connector or I'm always looking for community and helping. And I love this world. I love this world that I'm in,

Speaker1:
And I love the work that you do. And I, as I shared with everyone, you came bearing gifts, not just one, but actually two.

Speaker2:
Yes, yes.

Speaker1:
So so what I said at the beginning, you know, we first got to know what we don't want anymore, to know what we do want. So you did bring a gift. Tell us a little bit about that.

Speaker2:
Yeah, this this gift is called how to not get into another toxic relationship because that was a big fear I had, right? So you do everything. And like I told you, I did all the legwork, so make it easier and faster for you. So it's like how to not get into a toxic relationship. And really, the key is so that you can find the kind love, but has your learning how to not get into a toxic relationship. Again, it's really about who am I learning the real you and being proud of who you are and not making excuses? Oh, I'm too old, I'm too, you know, I hear I'm too ugly. I hear all these things, you know, I'm too much. I'm too loud, I'm too successful. You know, all these tattoos, you get you. And that's what that that that guidebook is all about to really help you take that next step.

Speaker1:
What a beautiful guidebook. So it's as you either see or hear I'm going to for everyone that's hearing, I'm going to share with you the link of how to get your free guidebook, how to not get into another toxic relationship so you can actually find the kind love that Rosie is so beautifully talking about. And this is where you get it. You get it at https colon double EBITDA lie slash capital n capital, a capital T Capital R Dash K so bitterly dash a bitterly slash and 83 K that's where you find that free guidebook and then you have something. You have yet another gift that you brought for us. So share us. Share more about that.

Speaker2:
Yeah, they can. We'll give them the link. They can go to this link. It's mini kind love and you get a finding, a kind, caring, loving relationship assessment. It takes you like two minutes to do, and then that will lead you to having a conversation with me so we can go through that. We can figure out maybe some, some belief that's holding you back and you'll get at least one to probably more tips that you can implement immediately, and you'll get to know what your next steps are so that you can move forward. This is about really moving forward in your life. I mean, to me, this is our precious life right brigade that this is our precious life and to just be stuck is is such sadness to me. It's such sadness when it doesn't have to be. And I see it all the time. I know what it is. I went through it. But but there is. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You keep going, you get the right steps and we can get you there for sure, for sure if you want to. It's possible. It's absolutely possible.

Speaker1:
We do have that choice. But first, you've got to make that decision that you don't want the situation that you're in anymore.

Speaker2:
That's right.

Speaker1:
Right. Yeah. So this

Speaker2:
Yeah, yes,

Speaker1:
Exactly. So that free assessment with a mini free coaching session with Rosie is bitterly so be it that Liz Mini kind, love mini kind, love mini kind. Love Rosie. This is beautiful. I could talk to you for hours and days. You're just a beautiful, kind, warm, fun soul and but those people came to me a year later because what I noticed is, is by building and nourishing those relationships and really for those people to feel like you care about them, you're not only going to networking events because you want business, but it's because you see them and you acknowledge them and you see those people as as people and as humans. And and you're building friendships and relationships. So really, I owe it to the people that I have met through and networking events in different, different avenues.. Thank you for showing up constantly in my life. I thank you for showing up in other people's lives. Guys get with get with Rosie, go on the bitterly many kind love link. Get with her. Go to the love kind networks. The love is kind, networked and connect with Rosie in some way or another. And I'm pretty sure Rosie earned all of the social media platforms as well. So one way that they can find you?

Speaker2:
Yes, absolutely can do that.

Speaker1:
Thank you for being here. Guys, thank you for tuning in to the success pattern show. Our time is up. I thank you for being here. I thank you for Rosie being here next week. We have another incredible guest. So tune in. Same time. Same place next week on Tuesday. Rosie, lots of love to you. The love is kind network.

Speaker2:
Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker1:
Thank you for tuning in to the success pattern show at WW Dot the success pattern showcase. My name is Brigitta, who finished.

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Rosie Aiello

After a 25 year relationship, Rosie Aiello, engineered an international escape from the Middle East to save her young adult daughter and herself from domestic violence. Stunned by PTSD and nearly mentally destroyed, she reinvented herself since arriving back in the United States, and became a speaker, best-selling author, host of the Vulnerable to Valuable Podcast, and an international multi-awarding-winning entrepreneur. And is now with the KIND love of her life. As a women’s life and transformation coach, Rosie helps women who have emerged from narcissistic, controlling and abusive (toxic) relationships, to reclaim their voice, value, confidence, and courage so that they can create a joyful, productive, and prosperous life that they desire. Women also hire Rosie so that they can find a safe, healthy and kind relationship.

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